Video Blog

Apps like Tinder and Bumble have figured out something that eluded me for so long.

And that is that something (a person’s profile in the case of the apps) can appear in my life and I can choose in that moment how SERIOUSLY or how CASUALLY I will engage with that profile by simply swiping one way or the other.

What I learned from that is that my stress, overwhelm or feelings of fear are NOT the problem.

In fact, I’ve come to see (whenever I am OPEN to the TRUTH) that it’s never my thoughts that are the problem.

But simply that I have chosen to have a SERIOUS relationship WITH those thoughts.

My experience has proven to me time and time again, that the more CASUAL of a relationship I have with them, the better my experience OF them becomes.

What is one thing you are trying to “OVERCOME” right now?

Maybe its a feeling of sadness for something that didn’t work out the way you wanted it to…

Fear of uncertainty of your future…

Overwhelm with all that you have on your plate…

Self-judgment that you aren’t doing “enough” or that it’s taking too long…

Now, what if instead of trying to overcome or let go of that feeling, you just practiced having a more CASUAL relationship with it?

This isn’t about ignoring it or lying to yourself, either.

It is about relaxing any SERIOUSNESS we are placing on it so that it can EXIST in our present experience without having any significant impact on how we live our lives.

I used to think I hated SELLING…

And then I finally realized, I just hated RUSHING relationships…

When I release the scarcity energy that makes me believe I need to “close a deal” or have the perfect elevator pitch to get someone to “BUY NOW”, I can truly slow down and serve…

I can be interesTED instead of interesTING…

AND I am far more likely to not only form a real connection with the person in front of me but also be far more certain as to whether I may be able to help them…

Think of ONE person you would really love to deepen your connection with (WITHOUT any attachment to “moving anything forward”) and send them some love!

Your PASSION may be your PITFALL…

Wait…what I mean is that your DESIRE to always FEEL PASSIONATE about your work is your PITFALL…

Nope, that’s still not it. What I mean is that your BELIEF that your WORK should bring passion TO you is your PITFALL…

Yeah, that feels right…

If I waited to FEEL PASSIONATE about everything I did IN and ON my business (do you know the difference between those by the way) before I did it, then I would be…

Well, I would be ME the first year that I was STRUGGLING to build my coaching practice…

I had been so brainwashed by the “anti-hustle”, “all flow, all ease, all the time” messages out there, that I believed anything that didn’t feel COMPLETELY natural, that didn’t LIGHT ME UP, and that didn’t make me feel like I was floating in a blissed out, zen-ified, state of flow and euphoria – was something I shouldn’t be doing…

And in response…well, I would just sit there…

Using every justification and rationalization I could to do busy work that felt like productivity (something I now called FAUXductivity; or FAKE productivity) in order to avoid any feelings that my work was…uh…WORK!

What really shifted this for me was realizing that we can take a step back and, from a position of creative Self-Leadership ask ourselves…

“What would it look like if I brought the passion TO the work I’m doing instead of expecting it to be BESTOWED UPON Me BY the work I’m doing?”

The more I have practiced this, the simpler it has become to stay in consistent, purposeful action that isn’t reliant upon magic, motivation or a muse.

TIME FOR A LITTLE ROLE PLAYING

One of the most impactful things I have ever done for myself is creating a “who do I need to be” list.

I now have nearly all of my clients do the same exercise.

When they say they have goals that involve a certain level of success with money, business, health, or relationships, I don’t ask them to create a detailed 5-year plan to make that fantasy into a reality.

Instead, we slow down, and I ask them, “Who would you need to be for those things to happen?”

The BEING must come before the DOING…

For example, on my own list, there is nothing about how much money I will make, how many talks or trainings I deliver, how many books I sell, how many vacations I take, or how much body fat I have.

Instead, it has characteristics of my BEING such as…

Enthusiastic (my #1 core state of BEING that makes everything else “work” better), relaxed, unattached to outcomes, grateful, joyful, courageous and playful.

I know that when I embody those qualities, which are always present, though I don’t always consciously choose them, it exponentially increases the effectiveness of any tasks, plans, projects, or strategies I decide to execute.

What would BE on your list? What are your top 3 states of BEING that you know would have an exponentially positive effect on your DOING?

Focusing SOLELY on “POSSIBILITIES” Can Hold Us Back…

Luckily, RUBBER BANDS hold the secret that can teach us everything we need to know about TRANSFORMATION and GROWTH!

My work is primarily helping coaches to build IMPACTFUL and PROFITABLE practices (Competition-Proof Businesses as I call them) and beyond biz strategies and the mindset to make it FUN, a BIG part of having a successful coaching or online education business…

Is based on the people you serve ACTUALLY experiencing the RESULTS they are looking for from working with you…

It’s very common in coaching to help our clients and prospective clients see the POSSIBILITIES for their lives, their businesses, their health, their relationships…

And when done from a service-based, co-creative, curiosity-based place, can create tons of enthusiasm and excitement in our world…

BUT it can also backfire if we UNCOVER this vision and then start feeling the stress of worrying about how we can possibly CREATE such a seemingly impossible or daunting outcome…

There is a concept called DYNAMIC TENSION that is the solution to the stress that can accompany SEEING such a big possibility (or set of possibilities for ourselves or our clients)…

Dynamic tension in EXERCISE is a method by which you both FLEX THE MUSCLE while SIMULTANEOUSLY moving…you tense a muscle or body part while ALSO moving against the tension…

Imagine stretching a rubber band (with an equally frightening grimace like the one in this photo)…if you continue to keep one side of the rubber band fixed and the other one moving away from it, it will eventually SNAP!

The same happens in our minds when we focus SOLELY on the LONG-TERM vision without also LEANING INTO and MOVING WITH that vision…

Our opportunity here is that for every big, scary, exciting, edgy vision we hold, we spend an equal amount of time moving the side of the rubber band that is in a fixed position even ONE INCH CLOSER to the side of the rubber band on the other hand that represents that vision…

Have fun, stretch yourself, stretch your clients, create a vision for the future, but also remember to be DYNAMIC and move WITH the tension so your BAND doesn’t snap!

THIS was a “HAPPY” day, but we all know they won’t all be…

Because the fact is that no matter how much personal growth and self help we consume…

No matter how masterful we get at practicing Self-Leadership or living a Not-Serious Life or having a gratitude ritual or whatever, the fact is that as a part of the human experience, sometimes it will feel like we just can’t handle or don’t know what to do with what the 🌎 throws our way…

So what are we to do in the inevitable days where an inspirational quote or looking through the notes of the online course we took on happiness aren’t working?

Well there are lots of things – all with the potential of being effective – but today I want to focus on your TRIBE!

Your peeps, your soulfam, your friends (if you wanna be all boring about it 😜)…

We all MUST have someone we can call upon when we are struggling with our thoughts and our current experience of life (and I literally mean someONE, we don’t need 100).

Someone who we can lean on…

When we aren’t feeling strong…

Someone who will be our friend and help us carry on…hmmm someone should really write a song about this 🤔

Release any stories that leaning on others makes you weak or that you will be a burden or that people won’t want to help you.

I held those beliefs as TRUTHS for so long and so when I had a huge challenge and unexpected life situation occur last year where I really needed support, I made myself reach out to those around me, let them know I needed help and that I would no longer believe the thought that I was a burden for doing so…

And how was that received by the beautiful souls (several of whom are in this picture)?

With the most loving, supportive, open arms and hearts that I could ever wish for!

YOU are loved. Your people WANT to support you. They WANT you to be HAPPY.

Don’t deprive THEM of that opportunity when YOU might need it the most 💚

If you are feeling at all sad, alone, confused, or even a bit hopeless, please know that it WILL pass AND there is no shame in “getting by with a little help from your friends”.

…hmm…someone should make a song about THAT too 😇

Ok, Pop Quiz…What the F am I doing in this picture?  Because it looks like I’m either I’m preaching hardcore OR recounting how ginormous the last fish I caught was in this pic…(spoiler: its neither)

But beyond the questionable hand gesture, you will see a belief on the screen behind me that I both wholeheartedly agree with, and simultaneously completely DISagree with!

The “AGREEMENT” part is simple and easy — YES, in my experience, nothing is created IN the world without purposeful engagement WITH the world, aka DOING THE WORK, doing it consistently and doing it with a focus on MASTERY.

So where is the DISAGREEMENT you may be asking (if you are even still reading this and haven’t scrolled past this post to find a cat meme or food porn post)…

Well, it’s the SPIRIT with which most people believe that the WORK must be DONE…

I can’t count the times that someone has told me, with a look of despair and frustration, that they would be RIDICULOUSLY successful IF ONLY they:

1. Had a better “work ethic”

2. Were more committed

3. Would stop sabotaging themselves

And any other number of things that put them in a place of heavy SHAME instead of realizing this can all be a creative and intentional GAME!

I call this “DEEP SHAME THROMBOSIS” in my book Prison Break and it is one of the BIGGEST ways we hold ourselves back from DOING THE WORK!

What if, #JFT (that’s JUST FOR TODAY if you are new to my tribe), we dropped the shame, the self-judgement, the obsessive seeking for the “identity” of someone with a “strong work ethic”, “highly committed”, or a person who doesn’t “self-sabotage”…

And INSTEAD, CHOSE to bring 5% more of a Spirit of PLAY to the work that is to be started or completed!

…to rub our hands together and get in the game…

…to take action NOT because it will FINALLY make us good enough (or a “SERIOUS entrepreneur” or “TRUE professional coach” or “REAL online educator”) but because WE ARE spirit and creativity at PLAY and because living as a VERB is just more FUN and more FULL-filling!

😃 JOY 😃

Joy is much more than JUST a feeling!

In my world, JOY is actually my entire business plan (…or more specifically to “leave everyone I meet with AT LEAST 5% more joy than I found them”)

JOY, my friends, is a FORCE MULTIPLIER!

It amplifies your work, it elevates your impact, it is, for me, the base foundational element – the “butter in the pan” as I like to call it – for everything I create, every “dish” I whip up!

In your personal relationships, in your business, in anything you do that involves another human being, bringing joy TO and evoking joy WITHIN interactions with people in your world leads to infinitely deeper, more supportive, more prosperous and more enJOYable relationships!

If you were to bring 5% more joy TO your next conversation, what might you do differently? How might your energy change as you go into that interaction?

(JG bringing joy – or at the very least a terrible joke – to Steven Kotler, Pulitzer Prize nominated journalist and author of “Stealing Fire”)