People pleasing is an addiction.
We trade our time, energy and personal preferences for scraps of approval from others. It’s transactional: I over-give and over-do, and you give me crumbs of good-enoughness and validation.
When you do that, I feel valued and important and good about myself for a little while. But these morsels of approval don’t last, do they? Soon the sorry cycle starts again. Sound familiar?
This is something I have absolutely suffered with in my own life as a recovering people-pleaser so when my dear friend and fellow coach and speaker Dr. Mandy Lehto invited me on her MoxieCast show to jam together and hopefully help you overcome People-pleasing in your life for good – I was like HELL YEAH (but NOT because I wanted to please her, LOL)!
In this super fun interview you will learn:
- How to examine your motivations for wanting to be “nice” and to people-please
- How to handle feelings of unworthiness (or not being good/talented/smart enough)
- A revolutionary technique called “Winning by Whining”
- Why you need boundaries (how to say, “I love you and NO”)
- The best advice I ever received, a skill I wish I had, and what I do to snap out of feeling annoyed
And here are some KEY time markers in the video to jump to a specific section:
2:45 – Deconstructing people-pleasing.
7:30 – How do you know when something’s at risk?
9:55 – What is the difference between the Prisoner mindset and the Self-Leader mindset?
20:20 – How to win through whining about it.
25:58 – Why boundaries get a bad rap and how to set “loving” boundaries.
31:30 – The easiest way to never have to say “no” again.
40:25 – Rapid-fire question round.
Lots of love,
Jason “JG” Goldberg